kristin has been a bad kristin
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
