If i come over, it means nothing
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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