What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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