apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
