I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize