So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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