I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
