I feel great
I just peed on a car
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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