I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
