She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
