either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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