The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
