Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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