No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
