You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
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They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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