He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
