No stitches, just platelets and will power
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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