why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
