I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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