he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
