hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
