I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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