Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
