I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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