not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
