just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
