I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
