It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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