I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
