You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
