he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
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woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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