wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
