david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she told me i tasted like america
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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