No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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