I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize