the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He? As in you personified your dick?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
