I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
