I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
