so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
