Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
