just tell him i said nine months
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
