My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
