At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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