filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
