He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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