he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
