Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
