I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
