i was born a porn star she said
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
