I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
