You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
