Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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