"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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