he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
