i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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