Duck Duck Cougar?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
