Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
