So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
