If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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