Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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